Friday, January 25, 2008

Novelty Stationery Items

Clearing away the straggly remains of Christmas from my place of employ today, I found myself at the mercy of a small but insistent voice at the back of my head.

"Now you can really get a good run-up.", it said, apropos of nothing.

"I wonder what that means?" Said one of the more actively-conscious chunks of my psyche. "It couldn't be... oh. Oh, God."

It turns out my subconscious wants me to play Assassins Creed with the customers. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this novel form of digital violence (I can think of one person likely to read this who hasn't at some point sat and watched me play this, so this is for you) it essentially involves you running around, and climbing over, various ancient and allegedly holy places in an effort to find Bad Men and stab them in the throat with the pointy end of the stabby thing.

Now, whilst I couldn't do all the climbing, I can run pretty damn fast. I don't do this very often, because of various complex and intertwined factors (my size, a lack of any desire to). One of the ways in which you introduce Bad Men to Mr. Stabby is by running at them, jumping, placing a knee on their spine or stomach (dependant on angle of approach), and driving Mr. Stabby into their neck. I (on the suggestion of my apparently deeply impressionable subconscious) feel that this is an area in which I can truly excel.

They never should have given me a pen.


redspiderlily said...

Honestly, you'll start introducing yourself as Altaïr soon. Remember when I said I worry about you before? I meant I worry about the rest of the human race (excluding mimes of course) when you're nearby.

Mister Aedan said...

I actually got back to the rather surreal sight of an XBox 360 with this game set up where my poetry display used to be. I can definitely see the attraction of all the stabbing.

Dave said...

Readers, meet my sister. Not Aedan, the other one. Aedan's my hetero co-blogger.

You may notice in her a certain sarcasm and a tendency to bring up obscure and seemingly unrelated things in conversation. It may puzzle you where you have seen this before.

redspiderlily said...

Yeah, I'm the sarcastic one but guess where I learnt it from? Though seemingly unrelated, I have a good way of being able to link things into the conversation and I do believe the above comment makes sense in the fact that you were talking about Assassin's Creed.

Dave said...

And I quote:

"It may puzzle you where you have seen this before."

Are you trying to start a flame war on my very own blog?

redspiderlily said...

Oh heck yeah. Why do you think I posted here in the first place?

That and I will never forgive you for the Filth Mime.