Thursday, December 14, 2006

The beast

Ann Coulter: Agent of Satan. If she was in any way honest, she'd be passing out business cards with that on. Having taken a look at her latest book came across two main points.

A: God is real, and believing in him gives you absolute moral authority to do whatever you want, because you're right, and therefore, no wait, who cares, I'm right because I love God.

B: People who believe in evolution should be burnt. The theory's had 150 years, and in all that time we haven't found the missing link. Why don't they just give up and believe in Jesus. Disregard the fact that Evolution is demonstrably occurring constantly, of course. My momma didn't raise no damn monkey!

She genuinely is the true face of evil. Somehow, the ramblings of an obvious sociopath have become required reading for a large portion of the American public. In the spirit of this, I decided the only thing to do was to find the most hideous Ann Coulter slash fiction the internet could vomit upon me. What surprised me was that there's so little of it. I would have expected at least a little Ann Coulter/Rush Limbaugh fiction. Nada. Zip.

The only thing I found was this, and it's the most brilliant spoof of all time. My personal favourite moment:

"But Ann Coulter is the only celebrity I’ve ever spotted at Farmer’s Market that I wound up fucking in the ass, hard."

A close second:

"I was a little hurt and, recognizing this, she softened just a shade as she reached for her purse to leave.
‘Yes?’ I asked.
‘Thanks for not staring at my adam’s apple.’
‘No problem.’

A very close second.

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