I wish we had more knee-jerk right wing commentators in the UK. I'd love to hear Jack try to tie this to Counterstrike.
"He had trained for this in the game, which is why he was able to sever his penis so calmly. If you measure the trajectory of the spurts of blood back to the height of his mangled groin you can tell that his heart beat never got above 60 bpm."
In other news, the storm of inadequacy that is My Chemical Romance is on the TV right now. I'd never noticed before, but the singer looks suspiciously like Jack Dee.